Recently in Weight Loss Category

Several years back when I strictly followed Weight Watchers, I found these wonderful little "cookies" to satisfy my sweet tooth. They're called Miss Meringues. Low fat, low cal, sugary goodness. They melted in my mouth and definitely satisfied any sugar cravings I had.

My favorite flavor was chocolate chip - vanilla meringue cookie with mini chocolate chips, then dusted with cocoa powder.

I haven't seen them around in awhile, mostly because the Miss Meringues now are "minis" - bite sized versions of the originals. But I never found the mini version of the chocolate chip.

I went to the grocery store today to pick up a couple of things, and THERE THEY WERE, sitting on the shelf begging me to buy them. I paid the outrageous $4.29 for the container, and when I got to my car, I couldn't even wait to open them. I was chomping on them all the way home.

There just isn't a sweet treat around - not a Hershey bar, not anything - that can rival that sweet taste.

I had to hide the container so I stopped eating them.

I have such a sugar headache right now.

Well, it's Week 2 of my attempt to make my fat ass a little smaller.

Week 1 went better than I thought it would. My goals last week were to 1. stop drinking Coke and start drinking water again, and 2. stop going to fast food places to pick up a quick dinner. I successfully refrained from drinking Coke or any beverage other than water. My bladder is saying, "what the hell is going on?", resulting in the need for me to pee every couple of hours. I know that will taper off as my body gets used to my water intake, though. I also successfully avoided fast food places last week. No McDonald's, no KFC, no chinese food, not even Subway. I actually ate mostly Lean Cuisine meals for dinner last week so my body would start getting used to smaller portion sizes again. I even did well at poker night Saturday - as I was looking at the fridge stocked with beer, Coke, Cherry Coke, and various other sodas, I settled on a bottle of water. I almost reached for the beer, but my better judgement prevailed. Well, better in the sense that it was better health-wise for me to drink water. Poker-wise, a nice shot of caffiene may have helped me stay awake a little longer so I wouldn't have had such a hard time concentrating on the cards at 4AM.

Sunday was rough, though - after getting home so late (or early, depending on your point of view) from poker, I was beat. And bummed that I didn't grab that $400 first prize. We stopped at Bob Evans later in the day, and In my haze of sleepiness and depression from losing poker, I ordered eggs, home fries, and sausage. And ate it all. But I didn't feel too bad - I mean it's only one day. It was the 3 pieces of pizza later on that did me in. I'm such a dumbass like that.

So back to the grind today. I haven't fared too well so far. I grabbed a bag of Peanut M&M's at work (bad, I know) but had a nice huge salad for dinner. It's force of habit that's doing me in. Usually, I'll sit down to watch American Idol on Tuesdays - before, I'd sit down with a bowl of popcorn or something else to munch on. When I started watching it tonight, something just felt off. Well, there's no popcorn in the house, and nothing else I was really that interested in, but I dished myself a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup anyway. And ate it. I don't even think I really wanted it! I need to break the habit! Again, I'm a dumbass like that.

Looking ahead for this week, I think I'd like to make my goals:

• Continue the soda/caffiene boycott


• Continue avoiding fast food joints


• Stop getting Peanut M&M's from the vending machine at work


• Stop munching on things I don't even want (or even things I do want) at night.

I think that will be good enough for this week.
Maybe soon I'll have the courage to step on the scale!

It's making me irritable, forgetful, and shaky. Did I mention irritable?

I don't even think I was this irritable when I tried to quit smoking. Ok, maybe that was worse. Which is why I didn't succeed at quitting smoking. I admit it, I'm weak.

[Aside] I've got American Idol on the TV in the other room - Anwar is gone? America, what were you thinking???[/Aside]

This is only the third day after I made up my mind to stop drinking all the Coke. I want a Coke so bad I could spit. But no, I'm doing the right thing and sucking down water like there's no tomorrow. Two weeks ago, I'd be on my fourth or fifth Coke of the day.

But unlike quitting smoking, I succeeded in kicking the Coke habit before, so I know I can do it again. It's just getting past the mornings where I wake up bleary eyed, still half-asleep as I'm driving into work, wondering if I should just make a quick stop at the convenience store to get a caffeine fix. So far, so good on that front. But it's only been a couple of days. I have noticed, though, that my patience is wearing thin with a lot of things, and it doesn't help that the entire state of Pennsylvania seems to be under road construction at the moment, forcing me to sit in traffic for an ungodly amount of time. Thank goodness I still smoke, or else I'd have some serious road rage.

I think kicking the soda habit is one of the biggest things in my new-found desire to get my fat ass in shape again. Four or five Cokes a day is easily pushing 1000 calories or more! In Weight Watchers' terms, that's probably all my points for the day and then some. It seems like a fairly benign way to shave some hefty calories off the diet. But it's still hard.

I still haven't gathered the courage to step on the scale, but maybe in a couple of weeks that can be a goal.

My weight loss saga started when I was born.

Ok, I'm kidding.

But I do know I've been battling weight for as long as I can remember. I remember going on diets with my mom when I was younger - the "three day diet", the "cabbage soup diet", the "eat no sugar" diet... Looking back at them, they were all useless. I don't think I lost any weight, and to this day, the thought of plain canned tuna fish on crackers and cottage cheese for "dessert" still makes me want to hurl.

The first um, "diet" that ever worked for me was not eating. Yea, I know, bad. Well, I was 16, what the hell did I know? All I knew was if I drank tons of water, then only ate an apple and peanut butter a day (that's it, no kidding) - I would lose weight. And everyone would tell me how great I looked. And my mom would buy me new clothes. No one knew what I was doing. After getting hauled off to the doctor because I just about passed out one day, my mom became much more vigilant about what was going into my mouth. I never developed a full-fledged eating disorder.

The only "diet" that ever really worked for me was Weight Watchers (of course, in my head I hear, It's not a diet! It's a lifestyle change!!!) Incredibly easy to follow, and it just worked. I never understood the people bellyaching about how they followed everything to the tee and still didn't lose weight. Not possible. Something has to be off.

Because. It. Just. Works.

I successfully lost about 63 pounds following Weight Watchers. I lost 63 pounds while still eating carbs, people! It can be done! Eating carbs every day, as a matter of fact - frozen bagels (not as good as the real thing, but ok), bread, potatoes, crackers... you name it, I ate it - I'm a carb junkie.

When I turned 30, I was in the best shape of my life. I weighed about 115 pounds, I was wearing a size 2-4, I was exercising, I had muscles!, and I was deleriously happy that I accomplished all of that.

You'll notice that was all written in the past tense.

What happened? I gained weight. Too much.

Why? Well, it was one of two things:
1. I hurt my knee, ended up having surgery, physical therapy, steroid shots - I basically ended up sitting on my ass for 10 months because I couldn't use my knee properly. Do you know what that does to the metabolism? The first month, I would be sitting on the sofa, my leg raised with ice on my knee, and I felt like I was vibrating with energy. I wanted to get up and do something! That feeling decreased exponentially as time went on, and by the time my knee started getting better, my energy level was way down. And didn't have the energy to start exercising again. I was depressed about my knee, afraid that I would hurt it if I started exercising again, depressed that I had no energy, depressed that I gained 10 pounds...
2. The other thing I to which I could attribute my weight gain is sheer laziness. Yes, everything I said about my knee happened. Yes, it was a pain in the ass. But, I was also sick of a lot of things: I was tired of having to watch everything that went into my mouth while others (namely, Dave!) could pile it in with no consequences, I was tired of ordering the same things every time we went out to eat. There's not much variety in low-fat/low-cal menu choices - it's either chicken, or, well, chicken. I was absolutely sick of the people who were telling me I was "getting too skinny", that I'm "starting to look sick", that the "recommended weight guidelines are bullshit - they're too low", and hearing "are you allowed to eat that?" all the time. I go on a diet and everyone else becomes an expert on how to lose weight.

Maybe it was both things. I don't know. But I'm at a point now where I just can't let myself go anymore.

So, I'm calling this Week 1. It has nothing to do with starting a diet on a Monday ("fat people always start diets on a Monday! - bullshit), it has to do with the fact that I've had enough. Enough of the fast food debauchery. Enough of the too-tight clothes. Enough of my re-emerging double chin (bleh!!). And enough of feeling like a lump. I'm going to start following the thing that worked so well for me 3 years ago. Weight Watchers.

I still feel a little uncomfortable going to Weight Watchers meetings - embarrassed is a better word - feeling like a failure, so I'll see how I can do on my own for awhile. I also haven't gotten the balls to step on the scale yet - I really don't want to see that number, but I'll get there eventually. I think a good start for me in Week 1 is to:

• Stop drinking Coke and start drinking water again


• Stop going to fast food places to pick up a quick dinner

Those two things are good enough to start me off. When I lost the 63 pounds last time, I never had any grandiose plans to do everything at once. It worked out much better to start with small goals, and I think those two are going to be enough to keep me occupied for the first week. I'm hoping that by writing it down, I'll feel more accountable for it.

What I remember well from last time, though, is that I was a raging bitch for the first two weeks I was losing weight. Maybe I should warn Dave...