Recently in Home Improvements Category

...and my lower back revolts every time I attempt to move.

Why?

Dave and I have been working on our porch. The contractors finally came out to replace the roof and frame it, so now we have the pleasurable task of trying to complete it before it's 30 degrees outside.

I was royally pissed at the contractor - they came out to do an estimate in June sometime, then we didn't hear from them for three weeks. We finally got the estimate in the mail, sent in the down payment (half the total amount!), then didn't hear from them for another 2 weeks. We finally called and they said they'd be out in about two weeks. Two weeks later, our check was cashed, and we didn't hear a peep for another four weeks! That down payment wasn't exactly chump change, and I'm a bit miffed that it was sitting in their bank account for all that time, instead of ours. We finally called them again, and apparently there was some confusion, "I thought my wife called you and she thought I called you..." blah blah blah... shut the fuck up and get your asses out here!

They finished the job in two days, leaving us to scramble to hang screen doors, enclose it, stain/weatherproof it, put in screening, and do the finishing pieces before it gets too cold. Hell, it's already October, and we've still got a shitload to do yet... there's only so many weekends left until the snow is going to start falling! I mean, we could have paid extra to have them do all that, but after spending a buttload of money on paving the driveway and redoing the office this year, we figured we'd do it ourselves.

Putting up the plywood around the porch was an adventure. We needed 9 pieces, and probably pawed through about 40 pieces at Home Depot looking for ones that weren't cracked, split, or crummy. "Pawed" is probably not the right word for looking through 4x8' pieces of heavy plywood, "heaved" is probably better. My arms were screaming after that excursion. The real fun set in when we realized the corner post on the porch was not square, which in turn was causing the plywood to cant at dangerous angles when put up to the framing. We ended up having to cut them on angles to actually make it square, and it was done with no little argument - "you said two inches!", "No, I said one-and-a-half inches! Listen for once!", "Dammit, now this piece is shit!" That was not a fun day.

It took us two days to hang the screen doors - all in all, it wasn't too difficult a job. The major thing was making sure they were level and there weren't unsightly gaps. The real pain started when Dave said I should start staining the plywood while he was cutting pieces for the top trim. I was willing - staining isn't too bad, it wasn't smelly stain, and I'd get a immediate, visual sense of accomplishment.

Yea.

I started staining at around 10:30 in the morning. I finished up at around 7 that night. One coat. No breaks to eat, only the occasional break to smoke, drink some iced tea, or take Cragar to pee. And dummy me, I was following the sun. Or rather, the sun was following me. If I would have been smarter about it, I could have spent most of the day in the shade just by starting on the other side of the porch, but I didn't even think about it. Consequently, I had the sun beating on my back the entire day. So I was standing up to stain the tops, sitting down to stain the bottom, and cocking my head allwhichways to make sure I covered all the edges. By the end of the day my hand was cramped into a sort of claw, and it hurt like hell just to straighten it out. I think my lower back is still in spasm from sitting hunched over to get the bottom of the plywood. I can't even crack my back.

And all I can think is that I need to put another coat on yet. It's going to rain the next couple of days, so I'm probably looking at next weekend to do it. Oh joy. It'll be just the right amount of time for my joints to loosen up so I can put them back in misery. Gotta love do-it-yourself projects.

I think though, when it's done, we'll be happy with the work we did, and we'll have a nice screened-in porch to enjoy. Just in time for winter.

Ok, the sky isn't falling. Our porch roof is.

We're still in the midst of the saga with our homeowner's insurance about the porch roof. As far as I'm concerned they can take their deadline and shove it up their ass. But the fact remains we need to get it fixed. As you can see in the photo, the porch has become a repository for furniture on its way to the garage - not to mention we didn't even put the cushions on the patio furniture. Hell, I didn't even clean out the flower beds back there this year. It's just dead space right now. Presently, there's a pole jack giving the roof extra support. Very attractive.

We got estimates for the repair - we figured we'd get it framed out right away so we can enclose it. Looks like it's going to run us around $4K. Ouch. After the several thousand we spent on getting the driveway done in spring, this really hurts.

We're now waiting for the contractor to get back to us - apparently timely responses are not in his business profile. Dave was going to send out the down payment - half the total amount - right away. It was my opinion that no check gets mailed until we at least hear from the guy and schedule a date. I'm not shelling out 2 grand now if he's going to come back and say he can get it done in October or something.

In addition to reroofing the porch and getting it ready to be enclosed, we're also putting up a fence back there so we can let Cragar out unleashed. We started on it this past weekend - Dave did most of the work, but I helped a bit with getting the lumber (heavy pressure treated sons of bitches!). We started Saturday night, but it quickly got dark and we only had two posts in the ground. Sunday, it was raining quite a bit, and I was looking forward to a little backyard respite, but Dave got the bright idea to get a dining-canopy-type-thing so we can work in the rain. A little meterological data about Sunday: when it wasn't raining, it was about 95% humidity. It was also about 90 degrees. We were both sweating like pigs (wait - do pigs sweat?) Hell, when it did rain, I gladly stood in the middle of the downpour just to cool off. Again, Dave did most of the heavy work, but I was goaded into digging one of the post holes. A 22" post hole. Dave compromised with me and he took up the slack after I dug to 12". It didn't help that I apparently can't dig a hole straight down into the ground. It was all-which-ways.

Now all of the posts are in the ground and all that's left are the crosspieces and boards. I did, however, learn the drawbacks of working in swampy, hot, humid conditions - the last time I counted, I have about 15 mosquito bites. They're still popping up, even today. I even have one on the back of my hand! The ones that suck the most are the 5 that are right around my sneaker line. I can't walk without feeling like I need to scratch the skin off my ankles.

Hopefully this backyard-improvement-project will be completed soon.

Why can't it be that easy?

Cascading Style Sheets for the home, that's what I want. You know, keep the content of the room the same, just change the overall appearance. All at once. With no manual labor involved. That's my kind of remodeling project.

We're redoing our smallest bedroom. Bedroom is a funny name for it, since we've been using it as a junk room, and at 8'x10', it should really be a closet. But we're converting it into an office. So out with the barfy blue that adorned the walls, floor, and ceiling (yes, a blue ceiling - a barfy blue ceiling), and in with a nice bright marmalade for the walls, white for the trim, and a toasted oak wood laminate floor.

Easy, right? Sure.

Presently the contents of the room are in the hallway, the existing office, and living room. If my ass gets any bigger, I will not be able to fit through the clutter to get into the bathroom. God forbid there is a bathroom-related emergency, because that emergency will occur right there on the carpet outside the bathroom. I've already stubbed my toe twice during a middle-of-the-night bathroom excursion.

So, to date the walls have three coats of primer (that barfy blue is a persistent son of a bitch!), and the trim and ceiling are already painted white. Dave wanted to paint the trim first (before the walls) - I don't remember what his logic was. It was a bad choice. After all the trim was painted, we realized we'd have to pry off the newly-painted baseboards so we can lay the laminate floor. Luckily they came off with little damage.

Then the high-intensity lights we brought in there showed some pretty damn ugly flaws still in the walls. So Dave went in and sanded them. I bet they're going to look awesome and smooth, but now there's freaking dust all over the place.

I'm hoping to get the paint on the walls and the floor laid this weekend.

And to think this is the first room to be redone in the house. There's still 2 other bedrooms, the kitchen, living room, bathroom, basement...

If anyone comes up with CSS for the home, call me!

Disorganized is a rather mild term.

It should be declared a disaster area.

Our house has 3 bedrooms. Since we don't have kids, we turned one bedroom into an office. The other bedroom kind of got turned into a sewing room/junk room. Some people have junk drawers. I've got a junk room. I'm not going to even get into that one yet.

Anyway, we're thinking of cleaning out the junk room, then moving the office stuff over there so we can make the current office a guest bedroom. I've been meaning to start cleaning up the mess for the last month, at least. Every time I get in here and look around, I get so demoralized, I end up just puttering around on the computer, instead.

I don't even know how some of the stuff got in here. So, I'm doing a quick visual inventory, and this is what I came up with (and this isn't even the stuff stacked on the floor):

• a wobbling 2' stack of magazines, computer books, cookbooks, and mail


• a photo snowglobe with no photo in it


• tri-volt transformer for our doorbell, still in the box


• a corner chisel


• various electrical switches


• 3 soda cans, empty


• 12 Mountain Dew caps for free iTunes downloads, already redeemed


• binoculars, in their case


• 4 dog treats


• 9 hair bands


• about 40 CDs, unlabeled


• an old Gateway 333MHz computer that hasn't been used in the last year and a half


• 1 can of compressed air


• various bits of junk mail


• various recipe cards


• 10 computer books on CSS, Photoshop, and graphic design

OK - so that's the stuff that's on actual surfaces, like my desk (where I have approximately 1 square foot of working space at the moment). On the floor:

• Epson scanner box, kept for the barcode to send in for rebate. I think the rebate expires tomorrow


• video camera tripod


• about 5 of Cragar's toys


• Las Vegas Motion Lamp, won at poker night, still in box


• 1 broken holiday projector


• 1 comforter, wadded up, that serves as Cragar's napping spot when I'm in here


• 1 air pump for an excercise ball


• 2 Franklin Covey organizers


• another wobbling stack of magazines

I don't even know how I'm going to start this cleaning process. I'm going to have to totally empty both rooms to start moving this stuff. I had the best intentions of starting in on it today when I got home from work, but I just ended up eating dinner and getting my only reality TV fix with "America's Next Top Model". Now it's just too late to start!

I wonder if there's any hope for a hopeless, disorganized pack rat!