Blah

I haven't written in awhile - I don't think I've let this much time go by between writings in a long time.

Mostly I haven't written because I've been feeling excessively blah lately. Absolutely no energy, tired but unable to sleep but wanting to stay in bed all day, always feeling like I'm about to come down with a cold. Just blah. My patience has become shorter, my attention span has become shorter... you know that feeling you get when you're hungry for something and you just don't know what? Well, that's how my entire life feels like right now. Hell, someone could walk up to me and tell me I just won a million dollars and it probably wouldn't even faze me. Well, maybe a little bit.

It's been said that January 24 is the most depressing day of the year. There's even an equation to figure it out. There's seven variables in the equation - weather, debt, monthly salary, time since Christmas, time since failed quit attempt, motivational levels, and the need to take action.

I want to look at these:

• Weather - frankly, Old Man Winter is fucked up around here. It was 65 degrees at 5AM Monday - a new record for this area. I was outside today in only jeans and a tshirt. I've seen colder weather at the end of May, for chrissakes. Sure, been a little rainy, but I like the rain - it helps me sleep at night to hear it beating against the window.
• Debt - don't have any, unless I count the house. My student loans and car are paid off, and I stay away from credit cards like the plague. If we can't afford to pay cash for it, we don't buy it.
• Monthly Salary - well, there's something to always get depressed about. Feels like the money coming in is not proportional to the work being put out. I heard on the radio the consumer price index rose 3.9% or so - if yearly raises were below this, I don't have as much purchasing power. Ha! I don't think I've seen 3.9% in a couple of years.
• Time Since Christmas - well, it's been a month since Christmas, but the only thing I'm missing is the time off of work - at least I don't have any credit card bills rolling in.
• Time Since Failed Quit Attempt - I don't bother making New Years' resolutions. I figure if I really want to change something, I don't need a new year to do it.
• Motivational Levels - let me put my chemistry degree to work here. The amount of energy I need (or think I need) to do things is high. I need some kind of catalyst provide a new mechanism that has a smaller activation energy. Haven't found the right catalyst yet
• and finally, The Need to Take Action - admittedly, my need to take action is high - I just don't know what the action is.

Ok, so there's ok weather here, no debt, and no failed quit attempts. That should at least tip the equation to the positive side a little bit, no?

It seems a suggestion is to go somewhere on a holiday where there's more sun. Tell that to the dermatologist that scraped the skin cancer off my face. Ha!

Hell, even my poker seems to be suffering. I've been reading the Harrington on Hold 'Em books - they're absolutely excellent books, but for some reason I'm playing worse than ever. I think I need a break (so my $60 buy-in for next week's game will most likely go down the tubes) - to much information coming in to process with my itty-bitty brain right now.

There's got to be an end in sight somewhere, right?