I Got the Wrong Genes

Let's see, I have my dad's face, red skin, and thick hair. I do not, however, have my dad's cookie-making gene.

My dad has the patience to roll cutout cookies and kiffles, each coming out to a perfect buttery and sugary goodness. He also makes an insane chocolate non-pariel cookie - a rich, chewy chocolate cookie with a non-pariel in the center - it's been a staple in our christmas cookie baking since I was a kid. Every time he makes those cookies, they come out to be a perfect round little circle, with the non-pariel perfectly centered. I don't know how on earth he does it.

I just made some of those cookies, and just like every year, those damn things came out allwhichways - some oblong, some roughly circular, others with the non-pariels sliding off to the edge. Most of those that did come out looking half decent I decimated while removing them from the cookie sheet. The dough around the non-pariel is extra soft, even if I let them sit on the sheet for a couple of minutes. So some oozed off the spatula in half, some fell off the spatula and landed upside-down on the table where I was cooling them, and there was even one I unknowingly stuck the thumb of the hot pad holder into while I was holding the sheet.

I didn't have any better luck with my chocolate chip cookies, either. I used a new recipe, one that uses shortening instead of butter and all brown sugar instead of part brown/part granulated. I don't know what the hell happened to those, but I made two sheets - those that didn't crumble apart came out like a rock. I ended throwing the entire DOUBLE BATCH of dough I made away and made the damn recipe on the chocolate chip bag. If I remember right, that recipe makes cookies come out completely flat - the only height to the cookie being the lumps of chocolate chips.

Well, at least the non-pariel cookies still taste good.