I Don't Even Have Words For a Title

I've been unusually melancholy lately. The past couple of months, I've been mopey, disinterested, and could probably sleep most of a day away.

There have been a couple days where some light shined through the mopeyness, mostly the days when I was working on an animation project for work. I feel much better when I'm doing something creative, and that was just the ticket. It helped even more that it was extremely well-received at work. I have several other similar projects to work on, but the light is fading quickly. Looks like the melancholy is invading my creative thinking process. Last night I sat in front of my computer, just begging for some inspiration. The only thing that kept popping into my head was "I got NOTHING!".

The thing that makes it even worse is, I just can't stand to be around people right now. People in general. Seems like the tiniest things people do will either piss me off or make me think there are no decent people left in the world at all. So, unlike some other people I know who will take out their frustration or depression on others, I've retreated even further to avoid pissing someone off with my indifferent, detached attitude. But even doing that - keeping to myself or trying to spare others' feelings, seems to backfire on me.

I'm not usually that way. I'm always the neutral one. The one that nothing really bothers. Nothing usually offends me. The one that gets over things quickly. So, when I'm the one moping, complaining, retreating, or behaving like the rest of the world in general, all of a sudden it's a big deal. And on some fronts, it's been received with a sort of self-righteous indignation, like it's something personal against them.

That only makes me even more detached, or maybe even confused. Why should someone take it personally? Someone thinking that one specific incident is the cause of my present mental retreat, that there's nothing else going on in my life that could possibly cause it. Sounds to me then like they'd think that my world must revolve around their life, if that's the case. The logical side of me seems to think that anyone behaving that way or thinking that way may feel guilty about something. And they're basically blaming that guilt on me. I got enough shit to deal with - they can deal with their own issues.

I was kind of hoping that writing about it would be like a little catharsis, maybe help me start to break out of the melancholy. But it seems like I'm even having a difficult time with that. I've been writing this entry for about a half-hour - sometimes there aren't even words coming into my head. It's like the ability to express myself coherently is non-existant. I could probably even sit in a room with other people right now and not have the need or want to even say a word, because I don't even know what to say.

I have no more words left.