Why I Should Not Be Allowed on the Internet

A little while ago in one of my entries, I mentioned having a little bump next to my nose. I've had it for a while, maybe a year. Every now and then it will get bigger, or "puffier", then bleed a little bit. After that, it'll get a little scab, which will eventually fall off. Then it goes back to being a tiny, non-puffy bump. This cycle has happened a couple of times over the last year. I always figured it had something to do with my Rosacea.

Last night, I was doing some reading online about Intense Pulsed Light treatments for Rosacea, gathering information so I can ask questions at next month's trip to the dermatologist. I actually made the appointment so I could ask about this bump, but I figured while I'm there, I'd ask about whether or not IPL can get rid of my damned Rosacea. Somewhere on one of the pages, I read something about bleeding moles.

This is why I should not be allowed on the internet.

I promptly conducted a search on bleeding moles, and found hordes of hits relating to skin cancer. I found a fairly active forum at healthboards.com, and I posted a question about the nature of this little "bump" on my nose.

The reply? Sounds like Basal Cell Carcinoma. As in SKIN. CANCER.

So I look up "Basal Cell Carcinoma", and wouldn't you know, there's some pictures of people with little bumps on (or next to) their nose, which have been identified as skin cancer. And those fucking little bumps look almost like mine. The exception is that mine doesn't have little spidery veins going through it. I then proceed to look at a picture of a man's nose who has just had microsurgery to remove the lump - and the bottom right half of his nose was now missing!!!!

I immediately start blubbering about how I don't want to be deformed, and how insurance won't cover cosmetic reconstruction after a tumor or lump has been excised. I was berating myself for waiting so long to get my ass to the doctor (and of course, the dermatologist's office doesn't help when there's a 5 month wait to see the guy), and I'm now convinced I've got this horrible skin cancer and I'm going to be missing a large part of my nose.

I repeat, I should not be allowed on the internet to see this stuff. It's like a little kid who wants to stay up to watch the "scary movie", then has nightmares for months.

I do sunburn easily, and have been burned quite a lot in my life. In fact, I used to let my face get sunburned on purpose so it would even out the redness from my Rosacea. Dumb (but unless you have Rosacea, you probably wouldn't understand why I'd do that - most of the time, it looks like I'm sunburned anyway, I'm that red). The past couple of years, though, I've been careful to put sunblock on my face, and even wear makeup in the sun because my makeup has SPF15. I may just be paying for gross mistakes in my past.

May 12. That's when my dermatologist appointment is. I'm fully expecting to find out I have skin cancer excactly a week before we leave for vacation at the beach. If I were in a joking mood, I'd find that a bit funny.