Silm Down: Week 1

My weight loss saga started when I was born.

Ok, I'm kidding.

But I do know I've been battling weight for as long as I can remember. I remember going on diets with my mom when I was younger - the "three day diet", the "cabbage soup diet", the "eat no sugar" diet... Looking back at them, they were all useless. I don't think I lost any weight, and to this day, the thought of plain canned tuna fish on crackers and cottage cheese for "dessert" still makes me want to hurl.

The first um, "diet" that ever worked for me was not eating. Yea, I know, bad. Well, I was 16, what the hell did I know? All I knew was if I drank tons of water, then only ate an apple and peanut butter a day (that's it, no kidding) - I would lose weight. And everyone would tell me how great I looked. And my mom would buy me new clothes. No one knew what I was doing. After getting hauled off to the doctor because I just about passed out one day, my mom became much more vigilant about what was going into my mouth. I never developed a full-fledged eating disorder.

The only "diet" that ever really worked for me was Weight Watchers (of course, in my head I hear, It's not a diet! It's a lifestyle change!!!) Incredibly easy to follow, and it just worked. I never understood the people bellyaching about how they followed everything to the tee and still didn't lose weight. Not possible. Something has to be off.

Because. It. Just. Works.

I successfully lost about 63 pounds following Weight Watchers. I lost 63 pounds while still eating carbs, people! It can be done! Eating carbs every day, as a matter of fact - frozen bagels (not as good as the real thing, but ok), bread, potatoes, crackers... you name it, I ate it - I'm a carb junkie.

When I turned 30, I was in the best shape of my life. I weighed about 115 pounds, I was wearing a size 2-4, I was exercising, I had muscles!, and I was deleriously happy that I accomplished all of that.

You'll notice that was all written in the past tense.

What happened? I gained weight. Too much.

Why? Well, it was one of two things:
1. I hurt my knee, ended up having surgery, physical therapy, steroid shots - I basically ended up sitting on my ass for 10 months because I couldn't use my knee properly. Do you know what that does to the metabolism? The first month, I would be sitting on the sofa, my leg raised with ice on my knee, and I felt like I was vibrating with energy. I wanted to get up and do something! That feeling decreased exponentially as time went on, and by the time my knee started getting better, my energy level was way down. And didn't have the energy to start exercising again. I was depressed about my knee, afraid that I would hurt it if I started exercising again, depressed that I had no energy, depressed that I gained 10 pounds...
2. The other thing I to which I could attribute my weight gain is sheer laziness. Yes, everything I said about my knee happened. Yes, it was a pain in the ass. But, I was also sick of a lot of things: I was tired of having to watch everything that went into my mouth while others (namely, Dave!) could pile it in with no consequences, I was tired of ordering the same things every time we went out to eat. There's not much variety in low-fat/low-cal menu choices - it's either chicken, or, well, chicken. I was absolutely sick of the people who were telling me I was "getting too skinny", that I'm "starting to look sick", that the "recommended weight guidelines are bullshit - they're too low", and hearing "are you allowed to eat that?" all the time. I go on a diet and everyone else becomes an expert on how to lose weight.

Maybe it was both things. I don't know. But I'm at a point now where I just can't let myself go anymore.

So, I'm calling this Week 1. It has nothing to do with starting a diet on a Monday ("fat people always start diets on a Monday! - bullshit), it has to do with the fact that I've had enough. Enough of the fast food debauchery. Enough of the too-tight clothes. Enough of my re-emerging double chin (bleh!!). And enough of feeling like a lump. I'm going to start following the thing that worked so well for me 3 years ago. Weight Watchers.

I still feel a little uncomfortable going to Weight Watchers meetings - embarrassed is a better word - feeling like a failure, so I'll see how I can do on my own for awhile. I also haven't gotten the balls to step on the scale yet - I really don't want to see that number, but I'll get there eventually. I think a good start for me in Week 1 is to:

• Stop drinking Coke and start drinking water again


• Stop going to fast food places to pick up a quick dinner

Those two things are good enough to start me off. When I lost the 63 pounds last time, I never had any grandiose plans to do everything at once. It worked out much better to start with small goals, and I think those two are going to be enough to keep me occupied for the first week. I'm hoping that by writing it down, I'll feel more accountable for it.

What I remember well from last time, though, is that I was a raging bitch for the first two weeks I was losing weight. Maybe I should warn Dave...