In a funk...

I don't mean funky, I mean I'm in a funk.

What the hell does that even mean? If I look it up in the dictionary, "funk" can be a severe depression or a nervous depression. Hmmm - am I depressed? Maybe. Questioning, lost, frustrated - those might be better terms. But then again, according to webmd.com, symptoms of depression are sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, withdrawal from social activities, and inability to concentrate.

So, being the analytical madwoman I am, I'm gonna take a look at these:
Sadness: Eh -not really. I mean, a sappy movie will get me blubbering in minutes just like anyone else, but undue sadness? I don't think so.
Anxiety: Again - no, I don't think so. I really don't have anything to be anxious about. Actually, ok -I'm a little anxious about this little bump I have on the side of my nose (that's a post for another day), but I'm not obsessing over it. So I say no on the anxiety.
Irritability: Oh yea! Am I irritable? You bet your ass I am. Especially when other people are not making sense. But lately, I've been more irritable than usual. I even find myself having to grit my teeth at work, which is one of the reasons my irritability is starting to frighten me. At home with Dave - forget it. I hate to say it, but that may be a cause of my irritability. Dave seems to have lost his sense of humor and shortened his fuse in the last couple of years. I think it's starting to rub off on me. For example, yesterday, I called him from work at noon (he doesn't leave for work until 1 or so):
Dave answers the phone: "What?"
[I'm thinking: "Who the fuck taught you phone etiquette?"]
I say, "Do you want me to finish painting the trim on the door when I get home tonight?"(Reason I asked: not sure if he did it that morning already)
He says, "Yea"
I say, "Do you want me to pick up extra paint trays at the hardware store on my way home?"
Him: "Yea, get some rollers, too"
Me: "Why do we need more rollers? We've got two!"
Him: "No! The roller covers!!!!"
Me: "Oh, you mean the fuzzy things?"
Him: "Yea, why the hell would we need two more rollers?"
Me: "Because you fucking said get more rollers. Not get more roller covers or more fuzzy roller thingies".
Him: "Whatever"
Me: "I got my wire transfer to my account today, so why don't you call the paving company and get us on the schedule to get the driveway paved"
Him: "I'm kind of busy right now"
Me, [thinking, "it's only going to take freaking 5 minutes to call them"]: "Are you playing with the puppy?"
Him: "NO, I'M TRYING TO GET SOME OF THIS PAINTING DONE!!!!" (translation: "stop fucking bothering me so I can do something important")
Me: "Alright - bye" then hangup!

Now, what the hell. I was trying to be helpful. And I get treated like a distraction, like a fly that needs to be swatted. And this is just one example of a conversation like this. I'm kind of like background chatter to him when I'm speaking, an assistant to him when we're doing something (like painting the room) - it's irritating and it pisses me off. And I think I find myself transferring that frustration and irritation to other areas of my life.
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed: Yea, probably. I get bored with things fast. Except reading. I love to read. I have several favorite books that I'll read over and over again. But again, Dave's telling me how dumb it is, how unproductive. And I can see how he got that way. His parents are the same way. I've got a 900 page book sitting on the coffee table, and I hear "don't you have anything better to do?" What, like do Dave's laundry, make his dinner or lunch, or wash his dishes? (There's that irritability poking its ugly head up again). I love messing around on the computer, too, but lately, I just log on to check my non-existent email, poke around on the GlobalPaw forum a little, then that's it. I dunno.
Withdrawl from Social Activities: Well, let's see - from age 21 to 25, I'd go out drinking and/or dancing Tuesday through Saturday. Now, at age 32, I go out once a month to poker night. So is that age or depression? Your guess is as good as mine.
Inability to Concentrate: Huh? What? Yea, I'm not big on the concentration lately. I've always chalked it up to the fact that I bore easily. I want a problem to solve, something new, I don't know... just not the same thing day in and day out. For example - two years ago I got a sewing machine. Ok, cool - I'm gonna sew stuff. I learned how to make pillows and curtains. Now I'm over it. I'm bored. Sure, there's other stuff I could learn to sew. I'm just bored with the whole process. Next???

And one more not on the list: Sleepiness. If I could sleep 12 hours a day, I would. Lately, I haven't been caring if I get up late for work (flex hours anyway), I have to nap when I get home from work, and then I can't sleep at night. It was 3:30AM this morning when I fell asleep. I was up at 7:45 and at work by 8:30. I'm beat. I was quite cranky until I had some caffeine.

So maybe I am depressed.

I think I'm going to go take a nap.